i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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