Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just cropdusted the office
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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