pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize