Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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