What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
