i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
