Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
