Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
