Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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