you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
