dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
