May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if only i could text you this smell
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize