oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
