Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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