I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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