So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
