i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
