yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
