If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
