WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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