Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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