My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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