he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
