If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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