Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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