If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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