guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
