Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
