Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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