i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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