Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Are we still banned from the library?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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