True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
