I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
