i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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