Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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