What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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