Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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