we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
