We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nobody cheats on THIS.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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