I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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