I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
