This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
