Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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