I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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