better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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