This is not my ceiling
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
