I want to walk on stilts...naked
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
