how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
