How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We have so much sex to catch up on
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
