you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Bring me that man meat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
