So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize