I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dear god my vagina.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
