i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
