we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
