Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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