oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
