I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
