some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
