I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
