is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
