ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
