do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
