If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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