had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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