She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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