OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
