yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
bring money and cleavage
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
