using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
