So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
