I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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