she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
