I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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