I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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