I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
