Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
