Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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