my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
