I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
