Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
