He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
