i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
