I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
