Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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