i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
