it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
