Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
