I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize