That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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