I wanna passion pit in your ass
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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