Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
