I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
