I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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