A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize