I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
