Already got asked if we're dating
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
