Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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