Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
