BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
