I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
