Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
