she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
