there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
they're like a gay fantastic four
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
