Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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