Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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