Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
