I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
