I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Enjoy the penises
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
