he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
