You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize