I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
