I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
