I just threw up on my dentist
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I wear drunk well.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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