I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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