I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize