Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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